15. Medical Checks

Hello All,

I’m feeling slightly inspired to add a few more posts to the good old blog and I am hoping that people reading these posts could be finding them useful and entertaining.

Topic of this discussion are medicals.

Now let’s get one aspect sorted immediately….I believe that having medicals for the purpose of immigration to be a very good idea.  Some people are pushing for the UK commonwealth to allow almost a free passage of Australian, New Zealand and UK peoples across borders without so much as a check which concerns me.  I like the points system adopted by many countries around the world for visas, and one important factor in granting a visa to someone is that you will not be a burden on the country whether it is fiscally or medically related – you move to add and integrate with the country.

cholera

Medical checks are one of four important loops you will need to jump through should you decide to emigrate to Australia.  It is written in Australian law that you should not be allowed into the country if you are a high-risk carrier of something nasty such as tuberculosis (TB).    If seeds of non-native plants are not allowed into the country to keep Australian fauna and flora safe, then it is rightly so, that people are screened in the same fashion!

turn-you-head-and-cough

A little while ago, my beautiful wife and I were requested to go for our medical checks in a private surgery endorsed by Australian Immigration in the next county along.  I started to look online on a few emigration to Oz websites and groups and found a wealth of scary stories there!  Everything from being made to stand in front of a panel of medical ‘judges’ in your undies to bending over and touching your toes in said undies (something yours truly hasn’t been able to do since the tender age of 14)!

Well, some things are true and a lot are not (with respect to our medical experiences)!  The medical forms from the clinic we went to, informed us that we would be requested to undertake some body tests such as a little body check (kidneys mainly), eye sight, height and weight readings, HIV blood tests, chest x-ray and a supervised pee….the last one got me squirming!  My bladder is frightfully shy when it comes to anything like that!

We arrived with passports in hand and was shown to the relevant ‘waiting’ area.  You will notice the marks surrounding the word waiting….we are talking about a private clinic and so any wait will be around a few seconds to possibly three minutes!

First clarification on who you are, get supplied your name bracelets and then onto chest x-rays.  Strip down topless (ladies will wear a medical gown to feel even more sexy!!!) and don’t forget to remove necklaces and the like.  You stand in front of the machine with your arms positioned behind your back and then hear the usual buzz of the x-ray machine as your skeleton’s best side is ‘photographed’!  Get dressed and then onto the eye, height, weight and pee stages.

shy-bladder

Of course, it was during this time that I got a little sheepish because in my mind’s eye, I imagined a very stern nurse or doctor standing right behind me breathing down my neck whilst looking over my shoulder to check that I could pee with accuracy and due-diligence all the time my bladder saying “no chance matey pie”!!!!!!!

Eyes – stand and read the letters….height – shoes off and stand under the measuring apparatus….weight – stand on the scales hoping that the diet you did will show….bugger it didn’t!

Tick tock tick tock….OK, pee time………………………………..”erm, I have a question….”!

“How close will you be when I need to go”? This I asked and nervously wanted to hear something good, mainly because I didn’t want the nurse to think I had any problems down there, just that Dr Kidneys-Bashful here would like a little privacy if he is requested to perform at will!  The nurse ensured me that she would not be positioned as my nightmarish thoughts had me worried about, instead she would stand outside and wait until I was done because the tap in the toilet was turned off to prevent hoodwinking visa hopefuls from making urine cordials!

All done!

Onto the body and medical checks with the doctor.  Blood pressure, heart and breathing and a little kidney poke around and then once again all done.

Imagine a Transylvanian accent “Ah Dr Morris-Costigliola, I have been expecting you, your blood please…”! No nothing that bad! Arm out three phials very quickly later and that’s everything done and dusted….don’t forget to pay on your way out (£600+ of the pair of us)!

The staff are so different in private practice from the poor incredibly stressed over worked NHS staff.  They were all incredibly friendly, not pushed for time and incredibly quick.  We were told that should anything come up, we would be informed a day or two at the latest.  The results would be sent off to Australia one week at the latest.

So, all very good.

There is nothing to worry about provided you have nothing to hide.

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